i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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