you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
