I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize