The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We have started to decorate penises.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
