she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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