Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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