I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
