would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
