she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
