I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
