I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
