I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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