lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
