so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just cropdusted the office
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize