I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
