pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
