I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
