to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
