Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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