i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
