Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
