Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
