yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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