wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
