I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
