but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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