New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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