Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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