I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
