he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
