I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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