White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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