i just snorted my name. best moment ever
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
