I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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