Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
porn star boner night. come get it.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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