this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
