That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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