who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
