you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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