I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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