and she was petting her beer can
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
