dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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