Apparently you make a good broom.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
