? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
