She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
