did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she peed on how many people?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
