Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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