it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I smell like Dick and happiness
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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