the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
