If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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