The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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