I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
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