I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Randomize
