If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
