my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
