ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
