..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Who died my cat blue again?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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