just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
