I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Randomize
