i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
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