It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
