Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
