just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
and she was petting her beer can
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
