the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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