chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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