maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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