This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
