yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
