Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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