i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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