Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
