just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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