the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
