I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Randomize
