like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize