Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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