I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize