Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
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I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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