he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
