if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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