its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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