After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
