We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
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I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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