He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think I am morally bankrupt
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
