May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
