Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In America we eat man semen.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
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