Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize