Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
